Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Weight Loss Advertisement (Satire)

Tired of having to get off the couch to lose weight? Frustrated by the alarming number of gyms and health food stores sprouting up from all directions that only want to take your money and pull you away from your internet adventures? Annoyed at having to limit your lard consumption?  If you are one of these types, have we got an incredible option for you! Magic Diet pill offers you everything you want in a diet pill, and less.  Not only will you loose weight, but you don’t have to move either.  Just click on the browser at the top of the screen and type in “Magic Diet pill”. 

That’s right, you can order online while remaining seated on your very own couch. We even have a special delivery service created for individuals such as yourself.  When our delivery service knocks on your door, all you need to do is ring a little bell from wherever you are seated in your house.  This bell, equipped with a highly audible ringer, can also be purchased on our website, under the “ Extra Equipment for Lazy Idiots” category.  Once you have rung the bell indicating you are in the house and comfortably sprawled out on your couch like you always are, our delivery person will enter.  Your delivery person will use a special homing device operated via satellite to detect the location of your computer and/or television.  Obviously, since your location is dependent on the location of your computer and/or television, this method has never failed.  Bottom line: You don’t have to move an inch!  For an extra $30.00 our delivery service will bring you a plate of refreshments for your snacking pleasure.

Magic diet pill is better than anything you have ever tried!  Guaranteed.  No longer will you have to deal with those pesky trainers or obnoxious health store cashiers insisting that diet and exercise are part of the overall equation of health.  Live the way you want and still loose weight and look great! Purchase a 30 day supply of our Magic Diet pills for  $179.99 today!

Magic Diet company also offers custom designed couches that are electronically equipped with laser beams that pulsate through adipose tissue.  The quantum jiggles created by their pulsation are a sure way to burn micro calories throughout the day as you lounge on your preferred sofa, chair or bed, watching the television programs of your choice.   In the fall, we will be designing special computer/office chairs that have similar capabilities.  Additionally, we will be designing a whole line of “ Magic junk foods” that are calorie free and can be accessed at all times during the day, for your snacking convenience.

Finally, remember that clever sales people and exercise trainers will always say things like, “It takes work to watch your portions or stay true to an exercise regimen.” These people are usually just trying to sell you a gym membership or hoping to get you hooked on some obscure vegetable medley.

6 comments:

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