Monday, August 4, 2014

My VIDEO: HOT GIRL SATIRE/ HOT GIRL PROBLEMS


THE FOLLOWING IS A PRODUCT ADVERTISEMENT marketing a special cream for the HOT GIRLS OF THE WORLD


Tired of being hit on by every single male who intersects your proximity? Are you one of those young women who constantly complain about being called “TOO HOT”? Do you detest having to interact with “losers who annoy you and waste your time”?  Do you take it for granted that you are in your 20’s and at the prime of your existence in terms of health and beauty? Do you hate it when people say “You look way younger than you are”? Do you always announce to your friends, “I still get carded when I buy alcohol”?

 Have no fear!  We've listened to your cries and wails and you finally have our attention. We want to help you out.  Because of your constant whining, we have developed a line of skincare products for young women such as yourself. Our line of skincare products is sure to decrease your chances of being hit on and “all the annoying attention you receive”. You got that right.

Instead of your traditional anti-aging cream that helps reduce the appearance of wrinkles, we have created an exquisite formula that accelerates aging. Our unique blend is called “Pro-Aging Cream”.  All you have to do is buy our product and slather it all over your nice, youthful skin. In one week we GUARANTEE permanently aged skin—or your money back!!!

Our pro-aging cream is composed of a rapidly aging skin plaster. This facial plaster is made of the finest pro-aging ingredients that include a mixture of carcinogens from cigarette smoke and ashes, charred meat and UVA radiation concentrate to help irreversibly destroy collagen and elastin fibers. Next, we dump these Active Ingredients (as we like to call them) into the most unrefined lipid we could find. For this we use a petroleum based mineral oil emulsion that is sure to cause added congestion and pore distention—something sure to please you immensely. Once our cream is applied to your epidermis it instantly creates the appearance of crow’s feet and wrinkles all over the surface of your formerly youthful skin. Marionette lines appear with a vengeance while your nasolabial folds increase in depth. In addition to this, we guarantee nodular and cystic acne to help with the “please ignore me” look you have been going for.


As the youthful glow from your skin disappears with our products, you’ll notice that the boys do too. What does this mean for you? Thankfully this means you’ll be ignored by society a lot more. You won’t be carded when you purchase alcohol for your nightly binge. No more modeling scouts harassing you for your contact information or offering you modeling gigs (that are probably low paying anyways). The time you save from being contacted by irritating modeling and acting agents can finally be used to study for that much-coveted liberal arts degree that we all know results in a high-paying career. No more annoying distractions or time-wasting rendezvous with “boys who you don’t really like but simply enjoy leading on”—even those duffers will be long-gone.  Studying at college becomes a breeze because people will stop asking you out and even ask you to stop texting them! Your phone will be a silent cadaver. Voila! Your problem is solved and hopefully your whining will be too.

By Me :)

video


MY OTHER SATIRICAL ADVERTISEMENTS/WRITINGS








5 comments:

  1. A friend of mine is wondering if you sell a set of false teeth that instantly give an impression of extreme lack of dental hygiene that could turn away men when she smiles.

    Do you carry such items in stock?

    ReplyDelete
  2. HAHA! Yes, why of course we do ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good. She wanted something quick to drive them off but remove quickly for more desirable company.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Us older gals just perfect our inner bitch. I remember being so crestfallen as a young woman at not being taken seriously, of having my contribution discounted and my participation marginalized. And I was just a plain girl, nothing special to look at. Imagine you are 12 and you desperately want to hang with a group of 16 yr olds... and what is worse, you are really 22 and they just think you're 12. Suck it up, keep your mouth shut, go along, smile.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Find out how THOUSAND of people like YOU are making a LIVING online and are living their dreams TODAY.

    Get daily ideas and methods for making THOUSAND OF DOLLARS per day FROM HOME for FREE.

    GET FREE ACCESS TODAY

    ReplyDelete