Friday, June 14, 2013

How I make Money on the Internet, (Satire)

 "How to Get Rich on the Internet"
(Satire Advertisement)


Tired of slogging through your days working long, arduous hours as a janitor or cashier? Are you sick of being financially dependent on your girlfriend or parents? Have no fear! Research has shown that due to the insatiable human craving to be rich, simply writing up a “Get Rich” advertisement on your blog will dramatically improve your odds of becoming rich. Why? Inside everyone is a mathematically-challenged lottery ticket consumer. Everyone naturally wants to become rich.  Once they spy your catchy blog post, they’ll inevitably click on it, hoping you can offer them advice on becoming rich. You won’t of course; you’ll just proceed to taunt them with what you’re trying to sell. Also, you’ll make a passive income by way of people clicking on your blog.

For the sake of this advertisement, let’s consider the history of all these “Get Rich Quick” gurus and how they’ve acquired their own wealth. What’s their secret, you ask? The secret behind all of these get-rich-quick gurus is that they’ve written books about getting rich or conducted seminars offering “Strategies on becoming rich”.  Here’s the clincher: every “Get rich quick” book is a cleverly disguised way of helping the author get rich, not you, silly. After all, whose the one buying the book or piece of software that will inevitably be stowed away in the crevice between the sofa cushions?

So how can you achieve your goal of becoming rich by simply writing up a simple blog advertisement about becoming rich? Here’s where the trick comes in. Instead of offering your potential patron advice on becoming rich, point them in the direction of your best selling book. The book doesn't have to be anything witty or densely packed with a step by step plan for wealth attainment. Instead, it should have lots of vague verbiage with heapings of obscure jargon where you blather on about “positive thinking” and “reframe your thinking” and “look at every failed opportunity as a learning lesson” and “diversify your stocks” and “make everything automated” “develop a passive income” and "find ways to achieve a positive net cash flow with rental properties” and “start a budget”…you get the picture.  In no time at all you’ll have penned out a novel that you can transform into $29.95. Give the consumer enough of the same tripe they've already heard from every other “get rich” book they've ever read and they’ll instantly credit you as being a financial guru in whom they can trust.

 What's next, you ask? The rest we leave to the glorious placebo effect. The person feels better after they've read your book, making them feel as though “They've done something” and “They’re on the road to wealth”---and you just made $29.95 off their desire to become rich.

Get rich today! Make sure to purchase our book entitled “How to write a catchy blogpost about becoming rich” for $29.95!

24 comments:

  1. If one see the many American "How to make money"- vids on YT, it seems that this is primarily a problem of American minds (or fools?).

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    1. Many people want a bigger online presence these days. Having a captive audience can improve your success in other areas, like marketing.  yeahmobi

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  2. I would agree with You. I have not been in America even once, but in this small chunk of Europe I've been able to visit/live in, I must say there are not many "how to get rich" books, films, talks and so on. I do not now for sure, but I guess that this problem evolved from "american dream". It sends a "be rich or die trying" message. Damn, I know more rich people from US than from Europe! It seems we concentrate much more on the politicians, not millionaires.

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  3. I decided to respond to this post by a vid. You can see it here for those who are interested.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCc60-kDF6s

    Just thought to try something different.

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    Replies
    1. If you want to have a lot of money,
      you have to take it away from others!
      There is no other way!

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  4. Money circulates. It goes around and comes around. To "take money away from others" in order to have alot, you have to steal it somehow by either selling something dishonestly (a scam like the one mentioned above) or manipulate money in circulation to direct towards you (inside trading, Ponzi schemes, etc). However, if you have a legitimate product or service that someone wants, then it is (at least to the minds involved in this) an even transaction. Yes, money is taken, but as long as everyone is honest it's alright.

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    1. That is the theory. In practice, there are too many dishonest. And then the system does not work, respectively it only works for a few.

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    2. Speaking of "Money circulates." Isn't it interesting that the money in circulation is always gets caught of the rich? And what is wealth? Wealth is the privilege - usually get through inheritance - to be able to make constantly almost unlimited debts and lead a lavish life. When the rich's debt once can not repay, the community of the simple and poor people is forced to help the rich. This is the circulation of money, of which you have spoken. In other words: Banks that manage the money of the rich - with wicked and dishonest businesses - are bailed out by the community of all. Ordinary people are left to themselves.

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  5. I respectfully disagree. The dishonest are always the few. Most of what we here in the media is of those who have done major damage (this current recession for example). If there were that many dishonest, we would be in a worse scenerio.

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    1. The system IS BASED on fraud and exploitation of the naive powerless honest through "smart" rich powerful dishonests.

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  6. The rich you refer may have alot but do not have all. There is alot of corruption but not enough to turn over everything. Not all the rich are dishonest and not all dishonest are rich. Not everyone who gets rich becomes so because of inheritance. Some actually work for it. Sure you can look at some areas and show your point but nothing in human societies has ever been as simple, absoulute, or(no disrespect) pessimistic.

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    1. I disagree. All I daily see confirmes me. Open your eyes and take off your blinders!

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    2. We have different ideas about what is work. With work, you can not get rich, because then everyone who works would be rich. How can someone become a billionaire(!) with trade in products of daily use within a short time? (for example: founders and owners of discount chains) Because they are cheating their staff, suppliers and customers!

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  7. Tell that to author like J.K. Rowling and Stephen King who work as writers with some of their stuff makeing more money then the average person. Engineers who make a good deal of money on the projects they do. Suceesful resturants that people love to eat at. You do not have to make billions or even millions to become rich. Most people don't become rich immediately.

    Their is no absolute in how people become rich or anything else for that matter. Thier are peopl who are rich, poor, and in between. All at various levels throughout time and different proportions. These are people who made alot of money by some form of work, service, or product. Technological gadget like phones and computers make people millions.

    In general, the rich have always been in a minority and everyone else outnumbers them. However, people think that becoming rich can solve all problems. Not always the case. Their are people who rich and happy, rich and miserable, poor and happy and poor and miserable. All for various reasons and different levels inbetween. Any example you can bring cannot be used as an absolute on how everything is in the entire world and throughout human history. In a general case yes, but not all. People rise and fall through wealth or any other means. How that happens is a case by case basis. No answer for one can answers for all.

    Neither of us is wearing blinders or have their eyes closed but we do see from different angles of perspective which in forums like these we can compare ideas and see in veiws you, me, or others may not have thought of.

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    1. Yes, I know: The poor rich. Their life is so hard. This always in trouble with the money. This is not about personal destinies. You do not need me to say that money does not bring happiness. But why do you want it anyway, and indeed more than you need? But it is certain that poverty makes even more unhappy! And unhappy makes especially when one realizes that one is exploited and betrayed by the rich. I wish you much fun with emulation in your American dream and wish that it will not turn into a nightmare as it was there for the employees of Lehman Brothers. It is the best if you keep your naivety for the rest of your life.

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    2. Internationally active banks (that "manage" the money of the rich) defraud the tax authorities of States (that manage money off us ALL) annually by billions with double "refund claims" of capital gains taxes, which are not originally paid. Is this not a deliberate fraud?
      Can you require back VAT twice from the tax office that you have never paid? Would you that really want, without criminal intent?

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  8. My Dear Renee, This is your guardian angel in his cave in the Indian wilderness back again after a long break. I keep getting a pile of people coming on my site trying to find out about the super sexy mysterious former massage parlour employee as represented in the Client List movie which has been banned by YouTube as we don't want our dear Renee getting into trouble now do we. By the way, 99.99% of Christian men are not Christian as are 99.99% of Christian women, so I shouldn't worry too much about who you end up marrying. Check out my Eternal Marriage article for further info. Demo(n)cracy and capitalism are the epitome of hell which is exactly what this world is. Hopefully, however, I'm gonna get airlifted off soon away from all this insanity. Best of luck, Renee, in your quest, you'll definitely need it if you stay here on earth!! AGP, 22nd June 2013.

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  9. Thank you so much for providing these valuable information. I’m looking forward to the next time that I get to come to your blog.
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    Replies
    1. Your goal is to make as many persons millionaires as possible?
      This is only possible if you simultaneously make a lot more people poor.
      Makes it also so much fun?

      Delete

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