(Satire Advertisement)
Tired of slogging through your days working long, arduous
hours as a janitor or cashier? Are you sick of being financially dependent on
your girlfriend or parents? Have no fear! Research has shown that due to the
insatiable human craving to be rich, simply writing up a “Get Rich” advertisement
on your blog will dramatically improve your odds of becoming rich. Why? Inside
everyone is a mathematically-challenged lottery ticket consumer. Everyone naturally
wants to become rich. Once they spy your
catchy blog post, they’ll inevitably click on it, hoping you can offer them
advice on becoming rich. You won’t of course; you’ll just proceed to taunt them
with what you’re trying to sell. Also, you’ll make a passive income by way of
people clicking on your blog.
For the sake of this advertisement, let’s consider the
history of all these “Get Rich Quick” gurus and how they’ve acquired their own
wealth. What’s their secret, you ask? The secret behind all of these get-rich-quick
gurus is that they’ve written books about getting rich or conducted seminars
offering “Strategies on becoming rich”.
Here’s the clincher: every “Get rich quick” book is a cleverly disguised way of
helping the author get rich, not you, silly. After all, whose the one buying
the book or piece of software that will inevitably be stowed away in the
crevice between the sofa cushions?
So how can you achieve your goal of becoming rich by simply
writing up a simple blog advertisement about becoming rich? Here’s where the
trick comes in. Instead of offering your potential patron advice on becoming
rich, point them in the direction of your best selling book. The book doesn't
have to be anything witty or densely packed with a step by step plan for wealth
attainment. Instead, it should have lots of vague verbiage with heapings of
obscure jargon where you blather on about “positive thinking” and “reframe your
thinking” and “look at every failed opportunity as a learning lesson” and
“diversify your stocks” and “make everything automated” “develop a passive
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properties” and “start a budget”…you get the picture. In no time at all you’ll have penned out a
novel that you can transform into $29.95. Give the consumer enough of the same tripe they've already heard from every other “get rich” book they've ever read and
they’ll instantly credit you as being a financial guru in whom they can trust.
