Monday, August 4, 2014

SATIRE: WHAT your HOROSCOPE WONT tell you!


What if newspaper horoscopes read something more like this?

You're a generally unhappy person with a boring personality.  To try and compensate for such lack, you often resort to grandiose expressions about your noble, interesting, socially enviable pursuits that are often made up to assuage your ego.  

           You do as little as you can to participate in group interactions, preferring to sit on the sidelines, gawking in contempt of those who are actually the life of the party.  


         You try and produce a humorous phrase every now and again but have an enduring proclivity to repeat the same joke every time, unable to come up with anything original.


          You're likely to think of yourself as having a unique grasp of subjects both perfunctory and sophisticated, but in reality, you have difficulty just putting two and two together.


          You have few friends. Those willing to make your acquaintance endure you only out of pity, not for any particularly respectable quality; though for reasons of self esteem, you'd like to think otherwise.


          Your flexible, but only when it comes to sexual positions.


          Bragging for you is a hobby.  You enjoy every possible chance to blather on about every senseless quark of data that enters your cerebral hemispheres to whoever intersects your proximity. 


        You pride yourself as a dependent thinker, often requiring the higher reasoning faculties of others or simply copying the faddish ideas promoted on television or the internet.


        The good news is, you are adept when it comes to survival skills, knowing when to run or hide when danger prevents itself; knowing how to eat when hunger sensations emerge. 

By me :)


7 comments:

  1. Reminds me of a great song by Weird Al Yankovic....

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iCwmMlJDSE

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  2. "What's your star sign?" is so last century, Renee. These days, it's "What's your MBTI?".

    (Come to think of it, what is your MBTI?"

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  3. haha! :0) I think I tested INFJ....didn't you say that yours was an INTJ (that is my husband's MBTI).

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    1. lol! You'll laugh at the first of the suggested careers for INFJ's at http://www.personalitypage.com/html/INFJ_car.html . I doubt that MBTI is that much more accurate than star signs, but yes - and you can probably spot an INTJ from miles off by now. ;)

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    2. Interesting, I tried the MBTI and the results said I was DEAD.

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    3. Better DEAD than DAFT, John.

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    4. Your right. I'm reminded of Mark Twain who said...

      "It is better to have people think your are ignorant then to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

      Being DEAD will help me with the silence. The DAFT are unable to be.

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