I'm Attending a Christian Women's Book Club

I recently began attending a CHRISTIAN WOMEN’S BOOK CLUB. Three-dimensional, corporeal female friends can sometimes be hard to find and I realized that this was the best I was going to get. My good friend hosts the book club. She is exceptionally intelligent, creative and an extraordinary communicator. She is married, has a degree in Architecture, her husband is a successful Oncologist and she has a two- year old son. Like me, she is pregnant with a baby girl and we both happen to be in the same trimester.

The moment I met her I could see that she enjoyed the pursuit of intellectual discussions, controversial ones…challenging ones. She wasn’t your typical boring woman who would talk incessantly about movies and television shows or “what she did yesterday” or “how funny her dog/cat is”.  She liked ideas. She would discuss world events and hypothesize about their effects. She wasn’t opposed to seeing things from a different angle. Furthermore, she composed herself with kindness and humility and had a “free-thinking” flow to her thoughts.

 I DID NOT introduce myself to her as an atheist, though I did mention that I was “no longer religious”. I didn’t want to excommunicate myself from the get-go.

We became friends almost instantly and have spent time together going to Flea markets or having tea in her kitchen. She is ambitious and has amassed quite the cohort of female friends—many of them pregnant or with young children and all of them are devout Christians.

We are currently studying the book, “The Envy of Eve”. This book exposes a common vice of women: Envy, Covetousness…Jealousy.  The book is written from a Christian woman’s perspective.  The general thrust of the book is that having these negative emotions steals your contentment in life.  The resolution for the negative trait of envy, of course, is to be more appreciative of what you do have. It is harder to let discontentment and jealousy seep in if you remain grateful for the wonderful things in your life—like having two working legs, being able to use your (limited) brain and having clean water to drink.

Abolishing jealousy comes back to mindfulness—approaching situations and navigating your feelings about them by being continually mindful. While feelings of jealousy can be easily aroused it is important to stop and recognize these emotions as they appear…and then dispense of them. Jealousy comes when we are constantly comparing ourselves to the success of others and then feel bitter that we are no where near as successful.

 Of course, this book is written from a theological standpoint and is drenched with scripture verses and the insistence to “stop and pray”. As usual, it seems that prayer and Biblical meditation are the prescriptions for having a jealous, covetous mind-set.

What struck me most about this Christian book study was how practical and useful the message was. From my vantage point as an atheist, I see things like jealousy and covetousness from a psychological or biological perspective and no longer from a Biblical perspective.

A major reason why jealousy exists among women comes back down to our human (biological) desire to find a long-term mate and reproduce with this person. Women can be jealous of other women because they are in competition with other women to secure a long-term partner and push their genes into the next generation.Thus—there are biological—not theological—reasons why women are jealous of other women. Women are also jealous of other women who are more successful in their career than they are. Competition begets jealousy—I think.

Anyways, it will be interesting to learn more from these women at the book club. I will just have to start reading the book. HA!

"Sorry Ladies, there really is a Man Shortage" Article

Just stumbled upon an interesting article:

http://nypost.com/2015/08/25/hey-ladies-here-are-8-reasons-youre-single/

I posted my own thoughts on this issue (somewhat related) in my most popular blog post (based on # of views) here:

CHRISTIAN MAN SHORTAGE-- MY OWN THOUGHTS HERE  :)

Dating is a Numbers game-- My other blog post

I don't have much more to say on this--well I do--but I'll spare you them today. The only thing I will say is this:

Many young women (under the age of 35) still want to get married (or, at least find a long-term monogamous companion). Conversely, the percentage of young men who wish to do the same is far less. This trend only seems to be getting worse especially as we consider the statistics of who wants to get married in today’s world compared to who wanted to get married in previous decades. 

See additional links below:

Yes, statistics reveal that fewer men want to get married while women's interest in finding a long-term partner (especially as they get older) has increased.https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/young-men-giving-up-on-marriage-women-arent-women-anymore

Is it because of the job scarcity for men in America?http://www.businessinsider.com/a-simple-reason-why-fewer-americans-are-getting-married-2014-9?IR=T

Socialism/Economics...Thoughts today....

I do not think socialism is a viable economic system for America—especially not right now! If we consider the demographics of America at present I just don’t see how it will work. The U.S. presidential candidate Bernie Sanders embraces democratic socialism and seems to highly appreciate the kind of socialism that exists in Scandinavian countries.

I am American and have spent some time traveling (and living) in different regions of the United-States. I traveled to Norway a year ago and had the opportunity to wander through a variety of Norwegian cities from the southern tip of Norway to the northern tip. The cities that my husband and I visisted included: Bergen, Alesund, Valdal, Molde, Trondheim, Bode, Rorvik, Narvik, Ornes, Narvik and Tromso. We spent a lot of time walking all around these cities. We also briefly spent time in Oslo, but only at the luxurious airport—perhaps the most opulent I have seen—it has real hard-wood floors! We gained a bird’s eye—big picture—look of this country and can attest that the demographics of Norway are much different than those found in the United-States.  

One of the first things you will notice about Norway is its homogeneity of culture and ethnicity. Almost every person who you walk by is a blonde-haired, fair-skinned Norwegian. Another thing that makes Norway different from the United-States is its population. Norway has a much, much smaller population than the United-States. While in Norway, we encountered very, very few immigrants from developing nations and not very many from other wealthier nations in Europe either.

One thing that almost came as a shock for us was the hotel housekeepers.  At every single hotel that we stayed at the housekeepers were young, college-age Norwegian women. This was a site we had never seen before! I am no longer under the persuasion that ONLY immigrants from poor nations would be willing to “do certain kinds of physically demanding jobs”. Citizens, within their own countries who need work will indeed take these kinds of labor and housekeeping jobs if they are available.

The crime rate in Norway (likely due to the small population size) is very low while the crime rate in the United-States is comparatively high.

I think that a socialist economic system in the US would ultimately lead to its collapse. There are just too many people in the U.S. There is too much crime in the US. Also, there are too many people in the US who are not working and/or contributing to the economic system. An economic system where there are so many people taking from the system is not going to last very long.

Yes, I do agree that extremely wealthy individuals in America should be taxed highly and this money should be distributed to individuals who are disabled, sick or otherwise unfit to work. However, I am hesitant about the idea of taxing the rich. I do not think that individuals who are successful in their creative/inventive, academic or business adventures should be punished. There should be some sort of a reward to working hard in a career or business venture. However, if you are just receiving donations or if you simply won the lottery—you should be taxed in a higher tax bracket and this money should be distributed to poor people who are disabled or veterans—what are you contributing to society by asking for donations or by out of luck “winning the lottery”?

A capitalist system is imperfect but so is a socialistic system. Practically speaking, people appear to be highly motivated by the idea of acquiring money. If you think this is false, then please explain why so many people make an effort every month (or week) to buy lottery tickets. Why do they do this? Why is so much time and money spent towards this? It is because people are motivated by the idea of wealth attainment. Yes, you might say “Well, people are actually motivated by the idea of easy wealth attainment”. Yes, this is true—but it is still wealth attainment nonetheless.

 Behavior is the best indicator of what people are motivated by. Some people make diligent, consistent efforts to buy lottery tickets. Others dedicate a good portion of their time to starting a business or attending college in pursuit of a specific career path that will ultimately yield better financial prospects for their future. Still, others do the best they can in whatever sector they find.

Like sex, people like money. This is an undeniable fact. A socialistic system is an idealistic system but it isn’t practical and it doesn’t take into account the psychology of human beings. If you see that human beings are motivated by money and also that without the reward of money, that simply being given it—they will have a disposition to be lazy—then capitalism is the more economically feasible option.

In almost every capacity people seem to be highly motivated by just the idea of wealth acquisition. We can see this with youtube. Youtube creators slowly become big and the money they make through adsense revenue and donations from their viewers encourages them to keep on making videos.

 One area of society that I see no problem taxing highly is in the area of entertainment. Superstars like Tom Cruise, Snooki and other actors, actresses and pop-star musicians who render nothing to society’s progression should be put in the highest tax bracket possible. These individuals come a dime a dozen. The only thing required in the industry of entertainment is youth and/or looks. Acting skills are important too, but once a woman passes her prime she is no longer in demand--unless she is an extremely talented actress.  I hate to be blunt, but that’s it. We all know it. Where is Catherine Zeta Jones now? Where is she?   

Instead, we should be placing more importance on individuals who are contributing to the welfare of society—educators, college professors, doctors, engineers, scientists, inventors and comedians. We need a meritocracy. We need a society where the people who contribute the most earn the most. If a person is incapable of contributing—well, it does suck to be them.  Socialism places (near) equivalent importance on every vocation—whether janitor or doctor. According to this view, who is to say that a doctor is significantly more valuable than a janitor?  Sure, a doctor will still earn more than a janitor, but not significantly more. In a capitalist system, a doctor earns significantly more than a janitor.

 My opinion is that we need an economic system that rewards individuals who are the major contributors to the advancement of society. May the best ideas win and may they be richly rewarded!

MY INVENTION LAST NIGHT was already taken

Last night I apparently invented something that was already (just in the past couple years) invented! Have you ever had that experience?

I happened to be vacuuming the house using one of those vacuums with a hose and an attachment piece. I had a sudden epiphany, what if I could use my own, home vacuum as a microdermabrasion machine? As someone who has worked in the aesthetics industry for several years—at both spas and at a dermatology clinic—I know how important suction is in the field of skincare. I also know how expensive these machines cost! These machines cost a minimum of $5,000- $10,000 a piece! In addition to working at the hospital, I have been tinkering with the idea of starting my own Home Spa business sometime after the baby is born. Equipment would be my big business expense and so this was currently on my mind.

I have worked with several pricey skincare machines that utilize different degrees of skin suctioning. These machines are effective in pore cleansing, improving skin texture, reducing acne scars and they also have anti-aging benefits like stimulating fibroblastic activity in the dermis which helps with collagen regeneration. A few of these machines include: the hydrafacial machine, the microdermabrasion machine and the Isolaz Laser machine. Another field where suctioning is used is in nursing; nurses use wound vacs to help expedite the healing of wounds. 

As I thought about all the possibilities I decided that I wanted to use my vacuum as microdermabrasion machine. I thought about designing a prototype attachment to apply to the tip of the hose that could then be used on the skin. All I would need would be a plastic attachment and then the diamond-head microdermabrasion tip that could be applied to the attachment. I found a funnel in my kitchen that would temporarily serve as my first rough “prototype attachment” to the vacuum cleaner hose. I applied it to the vacuum hose—it fit perfectly! Next, I turned the vacuum on medium-low and then tested it out on my skin. The degree of suctioning was perfect! In fact, it worked EXACTLY, if not BETTER than the expensive microdermabrasion machines that I had been using at the spa all along!

I was ecstatic! I told my husband about my idea and he looked at me kind of funny. I didn’t care, for some reason I knew I had a good idea. But then, my exuberance faded dramatically as I searched the internet and saw that SOMEONE ELSE HAD ALREADY INVENTED EXACTLY WHAT I HAD JUST INVENTED IN MY HEAD!!!!  GRRR

Here it is available on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/UltraRadiance-SkinVacMD-Premium-Microdermabrasion-Conversion/dp/B0083K4WTE

Here is a youtube video that basically shows exactly the model that I had envisioned:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZyoEPhkB98

 Yeah, I know. This kind of thing has happened to us all before. We're just a bit too late. This is just a reminder that your idea might not be as dumb as you (or others) think it is—especially when you see that someone else has a pending patent on it and is starting to sell it on Amazon.

IN DEFENSE OF SLOW LEARNERS/TIPS TO HELP SLOW LEARNERS (LOWER IQ)

“The better you know something, the less you remember how hard it was to learn.”  Steven Pinker, “The Sense of Style” 2014

In his book, “The Sense of Style” Steven Pinker goes into detail about “The Curse of Knowledge”. The Curse of knowledge according to Pinker is, “A difficulty in imagining what it is like for someone else not to know something that you know.”

I see Pinker’s concept demonstrated over and over again in training seminars or in one-on-one teaching sessions. That is, it is difficult for the teacher to put themselves in the position of the student. It is even more difficult for the teacher to understand the learning processes of a slow learner and the method they require to learn the material. As someone who has, at times, struggled with the learning process, I wanted to take a moment to defend the slow learner. In this post I mention what you as the educator can do to assist the slow learner.

(These are simply my own “Learning Tips” which I believe are absolutely essential to helping slower learners. I’m not referring to individuals who have been legally deemed “Learning Disabled” by a psychiatrist and now receive special treatment and accommodations for their disability. I’m referring to individuals who do not fit the criteria for this label—yet receive just as much derision and contempt from society, but get none of the accommodations. In other words, I’m referring to individuals who are smart enough “To get by” (IQ’s between 90-105) but often have a difficult time deciding what they want to do in life, securing a steady, decent-paying, long-term job and/or successfully completing a college degree. It is my thought that being a slower learner makes it hard to achieve such things.)

TIPS TO HELP THE SLOW LEARNER (My personal list)

1.  Please don’t try and reassure us by saying, “You’re thinking too hard”. THIS DOES NOT HELP!  While it may be true that we are putting a lot of mental effort into the thinking process, understand that this is the level of energy we require! Processing information takes more work for us. By parroting such a statement, you are making this assumption: that we haven’t tried the route of “not thinking so hard” before. Believe me, we have, and this hasn’t worked. Not once. In the past, when we tried making less effort and “didn’t think so hard” we were even farther away from grasping the concept. In other words, we do need to think hard and long (and many times over) to get an accurate—or near-accurate response/result on something. Telling us to “Stop thinking so hard” is not only getting old, but is dismissive and it totally misunderstands the intense mental effort that slower learners require to even keep on track, or, much more, comprehend the idea or skill.

2.  Please don’t rush over information quickly—especially when there are a lot of steps in a sequence or a lot of depth to the concept. Also, expect us to bring a pen and pad of paper to write down the directions that you are giving us. For those of us who are slower learners, we struggle with a poor working memory. We can’t temporarily hold a lot of disparate information while at the same time encode it, store it and then retrieve it as needed. We must first refer to the “step-by-step” list that we have written down. This serves as a memory cue until we have consolidated the sequence of steps into our long-term memory.

3.  Please do not tell us to “Calm down” or “Take a deep breath” as we attempt to learn something. This will be interpreted as you trying to “Control our behavior”—and will inadvertently create more anxiety which gets in the way of learning. Sometimes the mannerisms and/or behavior that we employ help us learn the process. We have enough to focus on as it is—like the specific task or concept at hand. Telling us to also “compose ourselves” in a rigid demeanor (as defined by you) is just one additional thing to bog down our memory as we are trying to learn the important task or skill.

4.  Please don’t say “Slow Down” or “Sit still” when we are completing a series of physical tasks. Notice how you always tell us to “slow down” when the task is physical but you tell us to “speed up” when the task is mental? I can’t quite articulate this conundrum other than: Sometimes, believe it or not, in order for us to keep up mentally we end up overcompensating physically; this results in our physical bodies moving more quickly and appearing to have more rapid, out-of-sync, shifting, jerky movements. Children might rock around in their chairs or have a hard time standing or sitting still as they try to learn. Adults will have their own flavor of this kind of behavior. Don’t worry! This physical response will weaken over time, especially as we master the skill. Just give us time. If you think anyone needs to slow down—well, it is probably you!

5.  When we are learning a new task, step back and let us perform it in front of you to help us consolidate the process into our memory. Please do not “Rush us along” or “Offer pointers/tips” or “Jump in and complete aspects of the process for us.” We understand that normal/fast learners have a hard time being patient, but this is critical to our long-term learning. If you want to help us consolidate a memory where we won’t have to rely on you so much for additional prompts in the future, you should let us get the general concept under our belt first. In time we can add on extra details and/or refine the technique. What we need from you is to “watch us” instead of “jumping in and taking control of the process”. You can offer a few, specific pointers after we have finished the demonstration.

6.  Do not assume that we know something without our ability to independently “Teach you the concept” or “Demonstrate the skill” back to you WITHOUT PROMPTS!

7.  Please refrain from constantly talking to us or adding on novel information as we are attempting to demonstrate the skill.  Shut up for a moment. Offering “additional pointers” is NEVER helpful as it ends up being an extra distraction that we have to filter out. We are already struggling with the general skill at hand and the fewer instructions the better. Once we have the rough idea or “template” of how to do something, THEN, and only THEN can we add on the new pieces to refine our technique. We just need to get there first.

8.  Please be patient and encouraging as you help us learn the skill or concept. Do not resort to ridicule—or worse—being a patronizing bigot. Make sure and offer positive feedback when we complete a task correctly.

9.  Showing your impatience towards us interferes with our learning process. We get it, we have an average or slightly below average IQ while you’re working with at least a 110. We are using different mental software than you are—what do you expect?

10.  Give us a moment to think, reevaluate and correct ourselves independently before you “Burst in with the correct answer or technique”.  We get it, you already understand the concept.  Many times we will correct our mistakes or adjust our thinking pattern if you give us a few moments. By giving us a moment to reevaluate the process on our own (without your feedback) we will better encode the concept/skill into our long-term memory. It is also rewarding to know that we have accomplished something independently; this also helps raise our confidence.

11.  Understand that we are going to interrupt you as you are teaching us something. You should ABSOLUTELY expect this! Sometimes we will need to clarify something with you ON THE SPOT and if we don’t resolve our misunderstanding at that exact moment, we will forget to mention it later. Furthermore, we will be stuck on the concept we misunderstood and not be able to move on, and follow your additional instructions.  It really comes down to a poor working memory and what we can hold. If you skate on by or suggest “Ask questions at the end” please know that we will have forgotten many of the things that we wanted to ask you about during each step of the process.  There is a reason why we occasionally interrupt—and it has nothing to do with being impolite—and everything to do with the fact that we will probably forget what we wanted to ask you by the end of the teaching session.

12.  Many slow learners are very intent on learning things and often try much, much harder than fast learners who take their learning speed for granted. We are not lazy but very earnest. Please give us the benefit of the doubt.

OVERPOPULATION and IMMIGRATION in AMERICA? And, OH I'm pregnant!?!

“Immigration is the chief reason that U.S. population is still growing—native born Americans reproduce below replacement level…”  (source indicated near end of my post)   

“When it comes to climate change, there is no shortage of scientists willing to speak out about the need to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. So if humanity is breaking “planetary boundaries” and imperiling, in the process, humanity’s future, why aren’t more scientists speaking publicly about the population trajectory and its implications?”

(source indicated near end of my post)   

 I was the kind of person who wasn’t going to reproduce unless my personal circumstances were appropriate. I didn’t want to be a single mother knowing full-well the amount of work and stress it would entail. Also, at one point I had researched the statistics of children raised in 1 parent vs. 2 parent households and I came to the conclusion based on the data, that 2 parent households were generally better. Overall, this is certainly true when considering a number of variables related to the long-term wellbeing of a child. (There are obviously exceptions to this rule, but I like large samples and large studies because they offer more predictability than relying on exceptions to rules). I am old-fashioned and think that a father-figure is essential for children—despite the current views in popular culture.

There are over 9 million single mothers in the United-States https://singlemotherguide.com/single-mother-statistics/. 45% of single mother headed households live below the poverty line. For single father households, 21% live below the poverty line.  I am fully aware that single mothers usually do not set out on a course to “become single mothers”. Many of these individuals are dealt a bad hand and through unfortunate circumstances end up having to raise their children alone.

I knew that I wanted to be in a stable relationship, married, and in the right position financially and emotionally to care for the needs of a baby—especially when their brain development was at its most plastic and vulnerable.  For these reasons I had been on birth control for the past 10 years—waiting for the right time and right person—if this was ever to happen. Thankfully, after two long-term relationship attempts, I did meet the right person.

With a year of marriage under my belt and both mine and my husband’s schooling complete, we decided that I should quit birth control. We both realized that I was no longer at the fertile age of 28—indeed, several years past this—and that fertility rates begin to decline for women in their mid-thirties. We were open to having children but also knew that we would never resort to expensive, extensive medical procedures to “make it happen” if it didn’t happen naturally. We decided that we could be happy either way.

To our surprise, we found out that we were pregnant one month after I stopped taking birth control pills! We are both ecstatic to welcome the arrival of our baby in October 2015! 

 My pregnancy has been very rough. This past year I have been plagued with almost constant nausea and vomiting, baby brain, radiculopathy that radiates down my right leg and intense, constant pressure in my abdomen that it feels like I’m wearing a corset cinched up so tightly that I’m going to explode. I feel uncomfortable most of the time and my motivation has sunk to an all time low. Thankfully, my husband has been very supportive. Also, I got a bunch of tests done and found out that my chances of having a healthy baby are high—Down Syndrome risk is 1/10,000 (as a woman hits her mid-thirties, she has to start being concerned about these things).

Since becoming pregnant for the very first time, I have, ironically, found myself attuned to any headline, article or study that deals with overpopulation. I have always been concerned about overpopulation and overconsumption by human beings on our planet. I still maintain my stance that humans should be conscientious in their decision to procreate.

My opinion is that a woman’s reproductive choice must be guided by facts and information—she must be socially and ecologically conscious in her choice. In other words, it isn’t a good idea to procreate with a sociopath (not socially beneficial) and not a good idea just to procreate because “My clock is ticking” or “I think having children will fulfill me”.  It isn’t a good idea to procreate on a whim or procreate thinking, “The Government will pay for my hospital bill, my child’s school lunches, my apartment rent etc.” One must think through this BIG decision first and make sure they have adequate means to take care of their little creation. 

I’m a big fan of family planning! If you have found the right person with whom to raise your child—and you are responsible, well, I have nothing to say against your choice.

Yes, I fully realize that adding more people to the planet will have an impact. This is something that I’ve had to grapple with and come to terms with. I had been averse to overpopulation, but look at me—here I’m contributing to it!

OF COURSE….THOSE ARE JUST MY OPINIONS WHICH ARE ALWAYS SUBJECT TO CHANGE….

Anyways, so my husband is subscribed to the secular humanist magazine “Free Inquiry” that Center for Inquiry puts out. My husband has been receiving it for 5+ years now. We both love this magazine so much that we find ourselves fighting for it over the breakfast table. The July 2015 issue is controversial and deals with “Population, Immigration and the Global Future”.  After reading some of the articles in this issue, I must say that I have been deeply ignorant about the status of overpopulation and immigration in the United-States.

 I had been reading articles on the internet about the declining birth rate in the United-States but I didn’t realize that this statistic was almost exclusively tied to the reproductive habits of native born American women (women who are born in the U.S. whose parents were born in the U.S. whose grandparents were born in the U.S. and so on and so forth).  This statistic is not true for immigrants—at least according to the article.

According to the article:

“Most Californians are barely reproducing themselves, but many immigrant families are averaging as many as three children. Now with 38 million people, at the current rate of growth, the California Department of Finance, Division of Demography, projects population will be 54 million by 2040. In 1970 the state’s population was less than 20 million. Nearly all of California’s population growth in just the last ten years was due to immigration and births to foreign-born women.” --- U.S. Immigration and the Limits of Supporting Earth Resources (CFI July 2015 excerpt from article)

The articles in this CFI July 2015 issue deal with immigration and overpopulation and seeks to show the inextricable link to human population and environmental/ecological issues that our

planet currently faces. From carbon emissions to decreased fertile soil and a reduced water supply, overpopulation is a major culprit. The concept is extremely easy. With more people on the planet, the more we will be affected by the consequences of too many people; too much waste and not enough space!

I thought it was interesting (and highly controversial) that this secular humanist, liberal magazine suggested that the American government consider the factor of overpopulation as a reason to make its immigration policies more stringent. It is quite bold to pose such a suggestion—especially for any media portal that considers itself to be liberal (I usually think of liberals as being more tolerant of immigration and diversity).  However, after reading all of these articles, I see that it is very difficult to argue with the evidence.

MY NEW TRAVEL BLOG!!!

I have finally opened up a new Wordpress blog for family and close friends to visit. I have many family members who are intrigued by my travels but are less interested in reading my controversial pieces. I wanted to provide a streamlined blog focused on travel and adventure. This blog is certainly still in its rudimentary stages and it needs a ton of work. You will find posts from this blog inserted into my new blog. You will also find other posts that I am still working on or that I might not have shared on blogger.

MY NEW TRAVEL BLOG!

Yes, I will continue to use my blogger account for expressing my thoughts/opinions etc.